Last week, my wife and I got an invitation to a Halloween party. A costume party with a theme. We haven’t been to a costume party for adults in over a decade.
At first, I laughed. Then I hesitated. I thought about the time, the effort, the theme. I thought about how competitive we are (there are prizes, after all 😊). So, I found myself resisting the idea of going.
Not because of the party, but because of the costumes. The process of it all.
Somewhere in the years of parenting, coaching, and life’s responsibilities, the idea of dressing up and stepping fully into something playful or bold felt unfamiliar. Vulnerable even. What if I look silly? What if it’s too much? What if…
And then it struck me: I already wear costumes. Everyday.
Sometimes I show up fearless, like a superhero. Other times, I slip on the costume of the “expert,” the “problem solver,” or the “pillar of calm.” We all do it.
As coaches, we see this with our clients all the time.
· The high-performing executive whose costume says, “I’m always in control.”
· The quiet professional whose costume says, “I have nothing to add.”
· The caregiving leader whose costume says, “I’m fine as long as everyone else is ok.”
Some of these identities were inherited. Others were built out of fear, survival, or social pressure. And some have simply become habits from outfits worn so long, they’ve begun to feel like skin.
But they aren’t.
As coaches, part of our sacred work is to help people safely, gently, and courageously remove those costumes. Not all at once. Not forcefully. But through our presence, questions, curiosity, and trust.
We help our clients remember who they were before they got dressed up. And we hold space as they rediscover who they are becoming now.
This month, I challenge you to reflect on:
· What costumes are your clients still wearing?
· Which ones may be holding them back?
· What costumes have you been wearing unconsciously?
· What would it look like if you tried on something new?
When we go to the costume party this Halloween, I know I will.
Victor Thompson,
ICF MN President
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